Descriptors for the 4 positive male virtues and the negative sides.
This suggests that what is commonly called ‘masculinity’ are in fact, behaviours of ‘Men behaving badly’. Those critical of masculinity offer solutions which are ‘Men behaving weakly’.
The virtues we espouse are those in the top row: the mature, positive masculine.
I take the lead. I organise the meeting or action. I create the environment where others can join. I am respectful of the contribution others bring.
M+Men behaving badly
K+ Tyrant. “I’m in charge”, bully. Tears down. Narcissistic. I need approval. Exploits others. devalues others’ accomplishments
I need to be in charge. I know my ideas are best. I am dismissive of other ideas. Good ideas originated from me. You must recognise my leadership or I will get angry.
M-Men behaving weakly
K- Weakling. Fails to lead. Lets others make decisions. Can’t ask for help. Low self-esteem.
I cannot lead. I will do what others think. I fail to act because I don’t know what to do. I don’t ask for advice because I don’t want to show my weakness.
2 Action and fortitude
MMature masculine, positive
W Warrior. Actions the vision. Gets the job done. Has goals. Adaptable. Minimalist. Stoical.
I get on with the task. If I say I will do something, I do it. I don’t take on too much, I know my limits. I channel my anger into effective action. I govern my emotions.
M+Men behaving badly
W+ Sadist. Obsessive. Disdains the weak. Sets unobtainable goals and standards.
I focus on the task to the exclusion of other things. I have high standards which means it takes me longer than I had expected, but I don’t want to lower my standards.
M-Men behaving weakly
W- Masochist. Feels is powerless. A push-over. Unreliable. Promises but does not deliver. Complains but takes no action.
I don’t tend to offer because I am very busy. I intend to do the task, but am often too busy to actually complete it. I have received help from other men, but don’t have the time to help others in return.
3 Wisdom and knowledge,
MMature masculine, positive
M Magician (Sage). Collects the information, has judgement. Intellectually curious. Generates ideas and options. Reflective. Thoughtful.
I do research to get to understand the problem. I seek advice from those who know more. I calm my mind so that insight can arise. I test my ideas on others and am open to change.
I generally know more than most people in the group so need to persuade them my ideas are best. I sometimes keep information to myself so that other people don’t steal it.
M-Men behaving weakly
M- Innocent One. Passive. Has few ideas. Does not search for knowledge. Envious of those who act. Gets excited but loses enthusiasm.
I don’t know enough about things to really have a view. I try looking stuff up, but it doesn’t make sense. I wish I was clever.
4 Compassion and empathy
MMature masculine, positive
L Lover. Feels affection for men&boys. Full of life. Gets along with others. Sensual. Creative. Appreciates and supports.
I really feel for those guys. I feel invigorated when I can help. I can feel my grief and can connect with the grief of others. I can express my emotions and be vulnerable with others. I can enjoy the sunshine and being with friends and feel satisfied.
M+Men behaving badly
L+ Addicted. Impulsive. Restless. Obsessed with the object of his desire. Instant gratification.
I am constantly seeking something new, gratification, but I am never satisfied.
M-Men behaving weakly
L- Impotent. Depressed. Pessimistic. Flat. Lost passion for life. Over self-disciplined. Out of touch with his body and nature.
I am bored and listless. I can’t be bothered. Friends are not interesting. Everything seems dull.